Randomness is Random.

I'm bored. And tired. And at work. Rough, rough combination. So here is some random randomness for ya...

1) Yesterday my phone autocorrected "Varina" to read "Vagina". On facebook. Randomly. It was well received as funny, so I left it.

2) I am reading "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." by Steig Larsson. It is every bit as good as everyone professed it to be.

3) I am feeling the urge to draw again. So I've reserved a couple of library books and then I have been looking through http://www.dragoart.com/ It is a GREAT website with step-by-step directions for just about anything.  I've collected a few things to look over and work on at home. I am excited to learn. I kind of wish I had taken drawing classes when I was a teenager in highschool. Or in college. Hey, maybe I can go back and find an adult drawing class. Like at the technical school or something. It would be really fun. Maybe one of the junior/community colleges has a class I can take that's not too expensive. That would be real fun! I think my dad took a painting class at John Tyler CC once. I'll have to look in to it.

4) Be careful who you text people! Yesterday the babysitter showed me some accidentally received text of male genitalia. Folks, don't been sending pictures of your wang to random people. Be especially careful if you have to type in the phone number and don't have it programmed in your phone book.  I received a text from a random number today too. It said "too cute." I figured out who it was, sadly they didn't mean me. It was a let down.

5) Coffee rules. I really want a french press. I think it would be fun to have some think, rich coffee to drink.

6) I have not been very helpful at work tonight. I just don't have it in me. I'm tired and cranky. More than a little bit emotional. I need sleep. I need a hot shower. And maybe some one-on-one time with my Mister.

/randomnessy random

THANKS NICKELODEON! Thanks for NOTHIN'!!

The Rugrats... remember them? Adorable cartoon babies. With Angelica, the cranky know-it-all toddler.

THEY ARE TEENAGERS NOW! Like, actually on tv. The show apparently has been on all these years and they are all grown up.

My world has been turned upside down. How did this happen? When did I get this old? Don't answer that.

The Gift.

Quinn left presents on my side of the bed. He's so silly.

GIVE UP YOUR BLOOD! Bwahahahahaha

No seriously.

Right now, our local blood services has 5 units of O negative blood to support all of the metro Richmond area. And do you know why? Because people are not donating. It's a busy time of year folks, I get it. But think of how you can affect the lives of the sick and helpless. Think of it... 1-1.5 hours of your time positively affects three lives. 3!! So go. Put it on your to-do list. Pat yourselves on the back. Get a latte as a reward. But GO.

Just tonight, we've had to give products that are not exactly matching to people in the hospital due to the lack of resources available. The demand is outweighing the supply by leaps and bounds and with the holidays here, it's just going to get worse.

SO, specifically, if you are Rh NEGATIVE or type O. GIVE IT UP PEOPLE! GIVE.IT.UP. Go now! Run! You can do it!

The weather...

So I predicted we would get some snow, flurries or what not, this past week. Not only was I WRONG about that, but it has been extremely warm during the day.  This has been good for my boy since he likes the outside more than the inside (who does he get that from? My mom maybe?) 

I keep wondering when Winter is going to kick in. I'm ready man! I want some cold weather. Gimme some highs in the 40's and lows in the teens. I need it.  I feel bad for the beautiful people who get SAD, but I don't. I need my winters. Plus, if it snows I'm free from going to work. I live too far away.

PS I never heard back from the author I emailed. The consensus was that I am not a jerk face for emailing him.

PPS I just started my first Jack Reacher novel by Lee Child. I REALLY like it!!

PPPS Don't read David Baldacci's One Summer. It's gut wrenching and doesn't have a happy enough ending to make all that emotion worth it. Sorry Davy.

French press....

Should I ask Santa for one?

500

I love to play scrabble! I have been playing wordfeud on my phone with people for a while now. 

This one particular game I scored a 208 point Bingo! My game score was 500 points, the most for me ever!!

Bingo is when you play a word using all of your letters.

Writer's block...

When your imaginary friends won't talk to you.

Is This Obnoxious?

I am reading The Cold Moon by Jeffery Deaver. I came across a passage where he talks about blood typing and he gives, in my opinion, grossly eroneous information. So, I emailed him. I have never done this sort of thing before. It's too late to take it back and I do not expect he'll read it, but here is what I wrote anyway.

Hello Mr. Deaver, I hope this email finds you well. I have read two of your Lincoln Rhyme books before this one and enjoy their fast-paced, interesting stories. I think the characters are so likeable, but with faults and problems, which really humanizes them to me.

I work at a hospital 45 minutes from my house, so I have a long commute. I rent books on CD from the local library system to keep me entertained on the long drives, that was how I came upon your books in the first place. I am reading paper copies (also library books) now because not very many are available to me in audio format.

I am in the beginning pages of "The Cold Moon" and I came across a part in Chapter 5 regarding blood typing. The sentence reads "... the blood, which Mel Cooper tested and found to be human and type AB positive, which meant that both A and B antigens - proteins- were present in the victim's plasma, and neither anti-A nor anti-B were. In addition, a separate protein, Rh, was present. The combination of the AB antigens and Rh positive made the victims the third-rarest blood type, accounting for about 3.5 percent of the population."

I've worked in Transfusion medicine for over 10 years, including working in a reference lab identifying difficult antibodies in plasma and finding rare blood for transfusion. The above passage regarding the blood typing has some gross errors in it. Antigens, which are proteins, are found on the red cells, not in the plasma. The Anti-A and Anti-B are antibodies, not antigens and, right, they are found in plasma.

Furthermore, the Rh factor, also a protein, but is also found only on the red cells. The absence of the factor accounts for people that are Rh negative. (i.e. O Neg, A Neg, B Neg, AB Neg.) Being AB pos is a "rare" blood type, but the Rh factor is not the reason why. Only about 15% of the population is Rh negative, the majority of those being Caucasian.

In addition, while being AB positive is rare (AB negative being the only blood type more rare), when taking transfusion needs into consideration, the patient would be able to receive ANY type of blood regardless of both the antigens present or the Rh factor.

I work night shift and my coworkers are teasing me about emailing you, I hope you do not take offense. If, for future writings, you would need any technical expertise, feel free to email me back. I'd be happy to be of help

Any thoughts? Am I a big ol' jerk?

Fried Chicken Secrets

My coworker brought in some fried chicken for dinner tonight. She gave me a piece. It was REALLY good. Like REALLY REALLY good. She gave me instructions on how to fry it correctly.  I'm going to try it, but I doubt I'll get it anywhere near as good as hers.  She uses a fry-daddy. I don't have one of those. I'm not sure I should get one. I don't like the smell of the oil and it's not exactly healthy.

Her secret though? She puts a thin coat of hot sauce on the chicken before she coats it with flour salt, pepper, garlic and parsley.  You can't even taste the hot sauce, but I bet it wouldn't be near as good without it.  I might try this with some tenders and see how I do. Or maybe some boneless thighs.

PSA: Soda is the evil, Legitimately.

So a couple months back it was decided, by my body, that I am diabetic.  My love of the Pepsi and the sweet tea is notorious in my family... not to mention sweets in general cookies, cakes, chocolate, etc... 

So the biggest challenge is soda. I gave it up for about a month. But, of course, I eased back. I have successfully graduated to sugar-free Pepsi max (It's my drug of choice at the moment.)  It didn't occur to me that there would be other ramification of drinking soda.  

After drinking nothing but water for a month, my joints are limber and relaxed. I drink two sodas, sugar free, and my ankles are puffed up like the stay puft marshmallow guy. It's insane. I didn't expect it. It's enough to be "off" sodas forever.

Ode to My bed.

Oh dearest bed, how much I doth love thee.
Your mattress is firm and silky.
Your covers warm with glee.
You welcome me so sweetly.

You comfort me to wild abandon.
Your love is never random.
Faithfully I remain.
Never far from your domain.

I love you always and forever.

The loves of my life....

I'm not entirely sure I would make it without them.

Stomach Pains

I'm at work. There is so much tension. So much inter-personnel strife that my stomach is in a knot. I didn't cause it. I didn't participate in it. I don't know how to fix it. But I alternately feel like crying and vomiting.  I didn't want to come back to an environment that is so toxic and stressful. I don't know what to do. I can't quit. I can't go anywhere. And even if I did, it would be the same every where I went. Maybe I'm not cut out for this. It really is exhausting.

It's like it's "them" against "us" and by "us" I mean most me. They don't have to like me. I don't care. But they should really be professional. I don't really want to complain. But I will. (To the boss I mean.)

Weather prediction

It will snow next Wednesday or Thursday. 

Awake...

I am never the only one awake in my house. Often I am the only one asleep.  It's nice to be in the quiet. It's calming watching my guys sleep.  They're so peaceful.

10 Reasons- A LIST

I love lists. Love'em. So here's a fun one.

REASONS I LOVE YOU QUINN MOBLEY


1) You act like you’re going to give a kiss, you lean toward and purse your lips together and say “mmmhhhh” and then at the last second you turn and run away laughing maniacally.

2) When you’re mad, don’t get your way, feel like it… you run as fast as you can, fake crying, to the front of the house and throw your whole body down on the only place in the house that’s carpeted. You kick your feet and pound your tiny fists and then turn to look to see if one of us is watching.

3) You body bounce off of us and then look at us sincerely and ask “Alright?”

4) I say “Night-Night”… you say “Night-Night-Night”… I say “Night-Night-Night” … you say “Night-Night-Night-Night.” So forth and so on until I stop saying it.

5) You also do that with Hello. Only you pronounce it Heh-Whoa.

6) You’re ticklish on both sides of you body and the back of your legs and the bottoms of your feet.

7) You learn things SO FAST. You love your cars and we showed you once how to make them zoom and you got it and zoom them all over the house.

8) You look so much like your daddy it takes my breath away.

9) No matter how many times Thor Mobley tries to bite your fingers when you touch him, you love him so much. You keep feeding him and playing. He’s your best friend.

10) You have my eyes. I love looking in them and seeing me. It validates who I am as a woman. And bonus, they’re very pretty.

There, of course, are a thousand and one other reasons I love you, but here are ten for prosperity.

Android!

I just downloaded the Blogger ap to my phone.  Bwahadhaha you'll never get rid of me now. 

Also, my feet hurt something awful!!

Happy Birthday MOM!!

My mom would've been 59 today. It's hard to believe, still, that she's been gone 11 years. I miss her more right this second than ever before.

I Heart Nathan Fillion!!!

This morning when I get off of work at 7:30 am I am going to go have a Castle marathon to catch up on the season. 

I first fell in love with Mr. Fillion during "Firefly" then "Serenity"... he was a creepy preacher on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" also.  He is such a fun actor and he's done so much work with Joss Whedon, who creates such great shows and characters you just have to adore him. 

So now he's had his own show, Castle, for a few seasons now.  The show is so much fun. It is a very modern "Murder She Wrote."  Now, wait, I know that sounds horrible... but in todays world, so much tv is based on sex or drugs or violence... not that those are bad things. Shows like "Breaking Bad" are clever and smart.  But it's refreshing to watch a show that has humor and drama and easy murder mysteries.  That's what Murder She Wrote was for me as a kid.  My family and I would watch it on Sunday nights. It came on CBS, I think, at 8pm. We would sit all together in the living room with our notepads and watch the show and write down our opinions of "whodoneit." I was never right. At least I don't remember being right.  I'm often right these days, but that doesn't take away the fun factor.

So yeah, I enjoy it so very much.  His Character, Rick Castle, is suave and nerdy at the same time. I love his off-the-wall theories and ideas. He's great. Becket, his romantic interest, is ok. She's the dry no-nonsense half, which the show needs, but it makes her less interesting to me.

So watch it. It's great!

Disappointing people

First, I'll admit, I'm not always easy to deal with, live with, be with. I'm sure Mark could attest to that, though I don't think he would admit it.  But to be fair to myself, I'm a really nice person. Like REALLY nice. I'm thoughtful and generous and when I love you, there's no getting out of it.

The last week has been rough though.  With the anniversary of my mom's passing I wanted my family to be together. Not to mourn, though that is always part of things this time of year, but to just be.  My sister doesn't care for my dad's girlfriend and so refused to join us.  It's petty and attention-seeking behavior, but it annoys me all the same. Why not put that aside to be with us? Why punish me, dad, your nephew just to show your tail? I don't get it. It was really disappointing. I really needed her this weekend.  I am not one to reach out when I need help, but I did this time and she shot me down.  She says she's coming down next weekend, but I'll be shocked if she does.

Then... grrrrr... my sister-in-law is a peach.  She and her husband went on a vacation. They brought back my two nephews gifts, but nothing for Quinn.  I don't need them to spend money on my kid... but it bothered me that they'd snub him that way. Why not be fair? Treat all three of them equally? She doesn't like me, so I'm 100% sure that was what the issue was and this was her way of showing me.  I get it. Thanks for the update, the feeling is mutual- especially if you keep doing shit like this.  I don't want my boy's feelings hurt over stuff like this.  He doesn't deserve to be excluded, it's not his fault that we don't get along. I know he doesn't "get it" right now and the other two getting presents isn't affecting him at all... but it will, and soon. He's a smart kid and he'll pick up on it. What do I tell him? Sorry they don't like me so you don't get to be treated nicely? That's not cool. Not cool at all.

In good news tonight... when Mark was putting Quinn to bed I was laying down to rest before work tonight.  Mark got him dressed in his pj's and Quinn came running into our bedroom and cried to get up on our bed with me.  He (voluntarily) gave me a big, fat, wet night-night kiss. GOD BLESS that boy! I love him more than there are words.

11 years... unbelievable.

Today, at about 5:45 am will mark the 11th year since my mom, Libby, passed away. It is really difficult to fathom that it has been this long. So many things have changed since 2000.  I got divorced, remarried, had a baby, 4 miscarriages, became estranged and reconnected with my dad and sister... we bought a house, lost a house, moved to the ghetto (Prince George style.) just to name a few of the bigger items.

And yet, after all this, I know she'd still be proud of me. Concerned about me maybe, but proud just the same.   If all this had happened and I didn't have Quinn I would not feel this way. But having him has changed my perspective. I get it. I know that if he were in my situation and had been through what I have, I would still love him so fiercely that I could not feel anything but pride.  It's so good to know she'd feel this way. Still... I miss her so much. I tell Quinn about her all the time. I show him pictures. I sing him her favorite songs. I tell him how incredibly much she would be in love with him and how I know she is so sad she can't be there to tell him herself.  I guess I just have to love him double time for the both of us.

If I could tell her one thing... RIP mom. We're O.K.

Stand It Up

A friend of mine, Mike, has started a really interesting blog. It mostly revolves around training, but he also talks about live, love, relationships.  His viewpoints are fresh and intelligent and really well written.  Help a brother out, follow his blog and tell your friends.

OR ELSE. (I don't know or else what.)

Birds nest on my front porch!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the great moms, grandmoms, terrific Aunts and cousins and Godmothers... everyone who loves anyone like a parent would love a child. Here's to you, CHEERS!!!

So today was a rough day, but I had a fun little surprise from my Mens today.  Mark came home from working and picked up Quinn and took him to the hardware store to pick up something or another.  They walk in from that and Mark says to Quinn to show me what he has... Quinn has the BEST smile. Ear to Ear. He hands me the mother's day card and then comes to me for a hug... these two things were the most glorious things ever.  He doesn't know about Mother's day, but he was excited to give me the card and the hug. He is just so awesome. 

So the card is sweet, of course.  Then Mark says they picked out a couple of things for our new house.  A gnome for good luck. The gnome is awesome. Not a traditional gnome, an awesome fun gnome.  And a beautiful wooden red cardinal. 

A few years ago Mark bought a chubby blue bird for his Nana.  But I loved it so I told him I wanted to keep it and he got me another one. So they sit side-by-side, aka love birds.  Also recently, Mark has started yelling "RED BIRD" every time he sees a cardinal.  So the other day I started yelling out anything I saw... squirrel, leaf, flower... all of it. It became a big joke. Hence the red bird.

My boys love me. I love them. They make every day worth the effort of putting on my big girl panties and being an adult. <3

:sigh: :sigh: :sigh:

Personal demons are the very worst.  It seems like they just never go away. Try as I may to squelch them, they rear their ugly heads, breathe their fire, and drag me back into their neurosis. 

We're broke. Not just broke. BUT B.R.O.K.E.  We are on the verge of gathering up some sticks from the yard, tying some bandannas and marching 1x1 down the street with our hobo sticks.  Can you see it? Mark, then me, then Quinn crawling his happy crawl, followed by Thor and the cats, all with different color bandannas.  We can carry a change of underwear and some bread and water.  Maybe we'll let Quinn carry a toy, or maybe he can use his Kawaski 4 wheeler and ride it down the street rather than crawling his happy crawl.

We grew up poor. It seems like all my friends did, but we were really poor. My parents bought their first house after 26 years of marriage and I'm about to lose mine at age 37.  I think about it and I didn't want Quinn to grow up in an apartment or trailer or whatnot. I wanted us to be in a neighborhood with trees and sidewalks (not that we have sidewalks now, but whatever.) And the simple fact that we're not there right now is killing me. Irrational, I know, but I feel like, he's only ONE and I've already fucked his life up.  I get that he doesn't know the difference and he can't possibly care.  I get that I'm not really that bad off and if financial struggles is the worst that my small family has to face then I WIN.  I know these things, but it doesn't ward off the feelings of failure or inadequacy.  

The very real reality is that I can take care of Quinn. I dont have to RUSH back to work (not that the job market is cooperating with me), but I can wait for the right job. I can raise my son for a bit and take care of our new home and take care of myself. And these things are GOOD things.  Getting rid of all the crap that we've surrounded ourselves with? A very good thing. 

If I could just beat these demons back then the forecast would be Sunny with a chance of Kick Ass. (Thanks Beckett.) 

37

So far, sucks as much as 36 did.

So another birthday passes.  I usually make a list and talk about what I'm happy about and things that have changed and all that. But I don't feel like it this year. So I'm just going to say this....

If 37 kicks 36's ass in the shitty year department, I'm just going to give up.  So, come on 37... you've got some work to do. BE BETTER. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE ALL THINGS HOLY, BE BETTER.

Thanks in advance,
Jennifer

"Suck me Mother"

You know, blogger follows you around. If you access my blog, it doesn't tell me who you are, but it does tell me what sites accessed it, search words, etc...

So, whomever you are that found my blog using the google search words "Suck me mother."  I have no words of wisdom for you... I just hope you found what you were looking for.

Cheers.

The Quiet

Silence is completely underrated.  One day last week I came home from dropping off my boy and the house was silent except for the white noise buzz. It was so totally awesome. 

Mr. Mob and lil'Q just went out to... I don't know where, Lowes or the the grocery store, I'm not sure. And the silence is overwhelming in a good way. 

I remember when I lived alone, the silence was the hardest part.  The night I moved into my little house after leaving my first husband, I actually went and bought a tv and a dvd player just so I could go to sleep. I didn't have cable and I couldn't get any of the network tv shows to come in... it was so quiet I couldn't stand it.

Now? I can't get enough of it.

I realize....

...that my last post made little sense to anyone who is not in my head.  Unfortunately, my head was on Ambien so I am not sure I can even fully explain what I don't remember writing. 

The dreams part, that was real.  I wonder if my subconscious is telling me to write more often or, ya know, at all. Or maybe they're telling me to stop thinking entirely. (That'd be my first option, should I get to choose.) 

So, here's the main issue.  I dont have a job. Haven't had a job for over a month now. And I'm going out of my fucking head. I'm so bored. I'm home alone or with a one year old ALL the time. All of that put together makes me want to shoot myself in the head. (Not literally, I am not suicidal.) I'm just so bored. SO SO SO SO bored.  I need a purpose, an agenda, something that has something to do with not taking care of Quinn and Mark.  I could clean, but I really don't want to. I could organize, but I don't want to do that either. 

I need a job. I need a job. I need a job. I need a job. I need a job. I need a fucking job. There is just nothing to apply for. I've applied for everything. Stuff above my head, below my head, everything in between. Nothing. Two interviews. Two more potential interviews and they fizzled out. And freaking nothing. :sigh: 

Did I mention how bored I am?

Dreams and Realities

Almost every night I have this oh-so-vivid dreams and in them I'm writing a story of some kind. It seems like they, the dreams, are almost telling me what to do. I dream about my childhood, my teen years. I dream about old friendships long past their prime. 

Last week, specifically, I was driving around Chester on the streets that I grew up on.  I can't remember who was in the car with me, but he or she gave me wrong directions and I ended up sitting outside the Taylor house.  I went to school with the two oldest girls. One was a year ahead and one a year behind.  We lost track of one another early into teen years. Probably when I started high school.   Anyway, I digress, we were in a car that wasn't mine, but I was driving and we were sitting in front of this large brown house. You could see that there is a pool from the street, but not into the pool due to the large privacy fence.  None of this detail matters, it is just to point out how very vivid this part was.   So my stranger friend checks the directions and we determine we need to move on and find the right house. As we drive away I stare back at it through the rear-view mirror.  

That's all I remember of that dream. I know that all sounds like a big ol' snoozefest. But I can't help wondering if the imaginary friends in my imaginary car sitting in front of real life old friends at their real life old houses where I spent so much of my adolescence means something.  

The truth of the matter is, the once thriving social circle of supportive loved ones has withered away to a few friends playing ring-ring-around-the-Jennifer, to keep me supported.  I'm sure they're tiring of my neediness ,I am tired of my neediness.  But they listen and support just as I would if they needed it.  

So back to the dreams... If I were to attempt to dissect my own neurosis, I would wonder if these dreams were telling me I need to make changes.  Stagnation is good for no one.  I am in a place where I all I can do is stand here. Wait here.  Stay behind the yellow line and take a number to be the next up to play "Get a Life." 

A "friend" recently told me that, while she knows I am a good person, I am in a "Downward Spiral" (and she doesn't want part of that, but that's not what this is about.)  But she's wrong, dead wrong. I'm not spiraling anywhere. I'm standing still. My feet are concrete. I can't move if I tried. I have to chip away the lead legs first and the only way to do that is figure out which direction I need to go.

Help us out!!!

Mark made an off-handed comment recently about his ability to run for President in 2012.  He has all the qualifications. So he said, that's it! I'm going to do it.  So... being his ever supporting wife and having ever supporting friends we have set up a facebook page for him and soon there will be a tweeter and possibly a website.

Mark Mobley- Future Presidential Candidate 2012

Please go to this link and click "like" and share it with others.  We're not delusional enough to believe he could win, plus we're broke. But it would be interesting to see how many people responded to an undereducated, but yet intelligent, honest man. I know I would.

So, please share and share alike. I'm hoping to get to 100 likes by his Birthday, June 17th. He'll be 35- the last hurdle to prevent him from running!!

Update from the last entry...

The Good: Quinn had his 1 year check up. He is 22 lbs and 29.75 in of crazy hot mess.  He appears to be of above average intelligence and certainly has quite a little personality.  Also, I have had two job interviews that went well, and I have two more lined up soon.  I got the two calls today and they'll follow up with me later this week to schedule something.

The bad: Still no job.  I did have the two interviews, but we're down to the wire where money is concerned.

The Ugly: That situation with my "friend" didn't work itself out. I thought it would. I think what we got into an argument about is a stupid thing to lose a friendship over.  But that was her decision, not mine.  She said some ugly (VERY UGLY) things and since that's not something I feel the need to put up with- that ended our friendship. It's too bad too. We had a lot of fun. But as my wisest friend Jessica put it- some people come into your life for forever, some for just a little while. Everyone fills a purpose. I guess my friend's purpose was full-up.

ONE YEAR!!!

How in the hell is my boy a year old already?? He was just born yesterday wasn't he? YES! It's really crazy. Some days I look at him and I can literally not believe he's here. Other times, I can't remember a time without him. Even crazier? He's smart! And he's gorgeous! And funny! And has such a great disposition. His personality is getting bigger and bigger every day. I love him so much it breaks my heart in two from the weight of it.

The harder part is the rest. I lost my job last week.  Politics was mostly the reason, regardless, I am unemployed yet again.  It is supremely ego-crushing to lose 2 jobs within 12 months. I know I didn't deserve it. I know I didn't do anything wrong, but that doesn't make things better for my self-esteem, unfortunately.

And then there's my friend... I went into a shop the other day and an acquaintance repeated some of the "complaints" about me that have been passed on by my friend. I love this girl. Last week when I lost my job she was the one I confided in, the one I called when I was at my most vulnerable.  And then to hear that she complains "all the time"... it was heart-breaking.  And now she's not talking to me.

When it rains, it pours, right? Things will improve, right? I hope so.