Things I am Thankful for

Happy Thanksgiving folks. I hope everyone is having a wonderful time with family and friends and enjoying a feast! If you've read me before, you're aware that I enjoy making lists, so here's my list of things to be grateful for:

1) My husband. He is a man to compare all men to. He's thoughtful and kind and handsome and smart and he pushes me up when I am down.
2) My marriage. You might think this is the same as #1, but you can have good people in a bad marriage (see marriage numero uno.) The strength of my marriage surpasses what I ever thought I would have in life. I can't imagine not being with him.
3) Quinn. Our growing boy. It took a long time to get him going, but it was worth every effort, every struggle, every tear... I would do it again in a heartbeat.
4) Our family. We may not see eye-to-eye, but I still appreciate that the members of our families are good, solid people.
5) Our home. Not just the house, though I like that too... but this place we've built together. It's better to be here than any other place in the world.
6) My friends. All of you. Without you I wouldn't have any of the above. The strength they lend me, the honesty and love they share with me is unfathomable in a world like ours today. I am exceedingly lucky to know who I know. And even luckier to be cared for by them.
7) Being able to sit at the table and decorate pinecone cakes and listen to bad hip-hop music all with my husband. It's sometimes the simple things in life that mean the most.
8) My job. While it frustrates me and isn't always what I'd wish it to be, it's a good job with a good salary. In our economy I am lucky to have it.
9) My pets. Their unconditional love is always a surprise.
10) My history. I've made mistakes along the way, as everyone has. But without the people I've known, the events I have lived through, I would not be the person I am today. And I LIKE the person I am today.

I hope you and your loved ones can rouse up at least 10 things to be grateful and give thanks for this holiday season. May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future.

Love Always,
Jennifer

The Mighty Quinn

We had our 20 week ultrasound this morning and we were VERY PLEASED to discover that our baby is a boy. We have named him Quinn (the middle name to be determined, we're leaning toward Robert.) Here's some grainy ultrasound photos.


His Profile:

His foot. This is my very favorite. It's so cute a perfect, tiny foot!!! <3<3<3

Facing front and his arm:


There are a few others on my facebook, but these are the best. We heard his heartbeat for the first time, 152 bpm. So beautiful. He's measuring perfect... all of the measurements. He's so awesome. It's just so hard to believe that we're finally getting this amazing gift. I am in shock and disbelief most days. It's hard too, to know there's nothing wrong when there's been stuff wrong at every turn with the conception. But now, after all that we experienced today and how much love I feel for my little man, I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy and try to put my worries aside. He's on his way and he's perfect. And I feel like it's ok to accept that now. It's still scary, I admit it... but it's just cause I love him so so so much.

Confidential to My Mom...

Wow... 9 years already? Sometimes, a lot of the time, it feels like yesterday. Things are so different now. I miss you so much.

Well, the big news is that I'm carrying your grandchild. After all these years and trying so hard... it's a scary relief to be pregnant finally. We'll know in 3 weeks if it's a boy or a girl. The names we've got picked out so far are Elizabeth Jewel (after you, of course and Mark's mom) and Quinn Robert (we just like Quinn and Robert is Mark's late Uncle's name.) ... the boy's name is subject to change, but the girl's name is set in stone.

Anyway... I love you, Mom. I will always love you. I miss you very much. I will give the baby extra hugs for you, I know you would want that. Dad is VERY excited!! So is Suzanne!

Until Next Year,
Jennifer

Baby update + ridiculousness of life....

I had my monthly check up at the OB today. Everything went smoothly, baby is growing, I have lost 26 lbs. At first I was scared because he still can't get a heartbeat through my belly. He says this is not abnormal and it's because I'm overweight. So he did another ultrasound... but for a couple of minutes I felt my stomach in my throat waiting for everything to be ok.

He says he can't tell me to stop worrying. I'm a mom, that's my job. But everything is going fine, so I'm going to try to be happy about that.

SO, my newest pregnancy symptomy stuff is that my appetite is outrageous. It's not that I want to eat that much, I have no desire for anything in particular. Occasionally I will want something... recently it's rotisserie chicken.

In other news, I've been rereading the Twilight saga. I lent out book 1, but I finished book 2 and 3 and am now working on 4. It's fun to read. It's easy to get lost in the drama and the fantasy of it. I don't know what I'll read when it's over. I'll be sad I think.

So the only other semi-interesting thing going on is I had a rather large blow up with my husband's family. His brothers and their wives specifically. I can't even really say what happened. I kept thinking I am being reasonable, but then being told in no uncertain terms, and with a not insignificant amount of nastiness, that I am not. So it's frustrating. I'm not sure what to say, if anything, to them next time I see them. I can't hide from his family, but I want to. I don't want to subject myself to that stuff... especially being pregnant.

I guess I'll just play it by ear, see what happens. :shrug: Whatever it is, I'm not going to worry about it. The rest of my pregnancy is going to be stress free no matter what it takes. Foot firmly down.

Light a Candle

October 15th is International Pregnancy and infant Loss Remembrance Day.

If you can, light a candle tonight at 7 pm to honor and support the mothers and fathers of lost babies. Having a miscarriage is an incredibly difficult and scary thing to go through. The death of the pregnancy is very real and very painful. Having had two miscarriages myself I can tell you that women in my position need your support.

Thank You,
Jennifer

Confidential to my Angels:
I love you my babies. You will live forever in my heart.
01/23/2004 <3
04/12/2008 <3
Your Mom

MY BABY!!!

The Simple Life (Or lack thereof)

Lately, maybe because of my pregnancy, I think alot about how I can simplify things. I don't know where to start, what to give up or change... but the desire to make those changes is so strong that it is consuming most of my waking minutes.

Maybe part of it is because, thanks to the picky eater inside, all I have been eating lately is soup and sandwiches, occasionally a salad. Long gone are the desires for sushi and lattes. So I think about this and it occurs to me, what if I make these changes permanent? What if, instead of eating out and buying expensive, pretty, and yes tasty foods, I just scale it down and eat simple.

What if I extend these changes to my cable, my cell phone, my electronics, my whole life? what would this accomplish? Would I still be happy and satisfied with my life if I gave up keeping up with the joneses? I think I would. I remember as a kid not having a computer, not having 239087409823498 cable channels to watch... we listened to music and read. God, I used to read 3 or 4 books a week, sometimes more. And it was fun. More importantly, it was EASY.

So, I think about things and the kind of life that I desperately want for my child. I grew up eating MickyD's weekly.. having candy and cakes and whatever all the time. Fruit was too expensive. We always had soda (though it was only diet pepsi, that's all my mom drank) and there were times we were out of milk. We never had OJ with breakfast.

Don't get me wrong. My childhood was blessed, poor or not. My parents were fantastic and loved us with the strength of 10,000 suns. But we did not have a healthy balanced diet. We watched a fantastic amount of televison (we all still do), and we laid around complaining about how tired we were.

If it's true that you learn from your parents, then what is it , exactly that I want to teach my children? Here's the first ten things that come to mind:

1) Candy bars are not snack food.
2) You don't have to have fries with your burger/hotdog.
3) Milk is GOOD.
4) There really is no more important meal than breakfast. Cereal is delicious, embrace it.
5) There is such a thing as celebrating without food.
6) Just because there's something on TV to watch, doesn't mean you have to watch it.
7) Exercise/sports should be fun... not a chore.
8) There is an entire world to explore at your fingertips. All you have to do is open a book.
9) A hug can make your whole life better.
10) Without love, true love, there is not satisfying life.

To expand upon #10. True love starts with accepting who you are for what you are. Once that happens, the rest will fall into place. Having been married twice and having discovered myself, my true self, inbetween those marriages... I can attest to the fact that without that, without that self-realization of how valuable *I* am as a person (if only to myself), I do not think I could've found the deep, penetrating love that I feel for my husband. I couldn't have given him that part of me, because I didn't know who or what that part of me was. That might sound hokie, I don't know... but it's true. And I want my kids to feel this about themselves. I don't want it to take 31 years for this to happen. And I really don't want them to deal with what I dealt with for this knowledge to take hold.

I don't think my kids will have a charmed life... but I do think I can help them to help themselves. More than I was helped. I don't believe my parents didn't want me to feel these things, I think... no, I KNOW, they didn't feel it themselves. Which is why it's so important for me to remember who I am at all times.

Anyway... pregnancy update... things are going great as far as I know. I go back for a regular OB check up in a week. I should hear the heartbeat on the doppler. I'll be 11 weeks on Sunday. I thank God every day for every minute I am still pregnant. I hope he continues to bless us and allow this miracle to keep living.

/sappiness. :)