Total Pageviews

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Update...

Well... I was right. He wasn't aching for me... matter of fact he was more interested in trying to find people to come over and drink with us... and even when I propositioned him, he's all "how about later"... and I pouted and he "gave in."

:sigh: I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong.

I clean up good...

Me with makeup on... see? I *can* look good. I just choose not to do it for work and all that. What's the point? I cant wear cute strappy tank tops to work... or jeans or hell, even a nice shirt and pants. Man, scrubs really get me down.

So this is me only 5 minutes ago. I'm getting ready to go to two parties. One is a cookout and one is a birthday party for Mark's younger brother. Both should be fun. I thought I would have more fun if I got gussied up and, my goal is, to make Mark feel like he "can't wait to get me home"... if you catch my drift. I doubt it will work. I don't have that affect on him. I don't know if I ever did.

So I was supposed to study yesterday and today... but I'm moody and down-in-the-dumps about the up-coming IUI. I don't want to do it. I want to get pregnant.. but this trying and failing bullshit is really putting a damper on the whole process. That and I have a little bit of feeling sorry for myself... like why? Why can't it just be easy??

I went grocery shopping yesterday... I bought all healthy foods.. nothing junky (except pretzels for Mark's lunch.) I think I did good. So Weight Watchers, Here I come. Ya know??!

ALright, it's 4pm.. I gotta rush Mr. Mark along so we can get going. Cheers.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

On the upswing....

So... a few months ago (end of January or so)... I went through a...ummm... "spell". I was screwing up at work, not handling my anxiety and stress at all... just completely out-of-sorts. Unfortunately it caught up with me creating a bit of chaos and some serious embarrassment on my part.

But!!! (isn't there always) Last week I "found" a very rare unit of blood. Like 9 out of 10, 000 rare. So, here's to hoping that tips the scales some, ya know? Today, Martha the B.O.S.S. brought me a cake (chocolate!!) and we had a celebration. The next celebration will be a "mexican fiesta" according to Martha. Ha. She's so cute.

Then to top it off, I got home and I checked my grade from the BIG test I took last week... 94!!!!!!! I am SO proud of myself. I studied my ASS off for that test. Like, whoa.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

four head? Eight head?

How big is your head? My friend (name anonymous to protect the innocent) has always complained about how large her head is... the circumference, I mean. So the other day she measured her head and it's 22" around. Her coworker, who is shorter than she is, has a 24" head.

Ok, here's the real question... why, when someone mentions that they've measured their head, do I feel an intense need to find a tape measure and measure mine? That doesn't make sense to me. Is it a Pavlov thing? I understand someone mentioning food or drink and craving that... I don't get the need to measure my skull.

It's 19" by the way.

Jessica Never Reads My Blog...

I don't know why. Does she hate me?! She says she loves me, but she never checks in here to see how my week is going.... or what kind of day I'm having.... Oh, wait, I never do that for her either, you're thinking? Well, Right, except SHE doesn't HAVE a BLOG. Pffbbtt.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

A conversation w/ my husband....

Preface: Mark does ALL the laundry... it's just the way we've worked things out. I finished studying for the night and decided to fold the laundry in the dryer for him (for us.)

M: Honey, where are you?
J: In the kitchen
M: what are you doing?
J: Studying
M: Where?
J: At the table
M: I don't see you.
J: I'm invisible.
M: You are NOT invisible.
J: Yes I am.

It went on until he brow-beat me into admitting I was folding clothes... but what I don't get is why he didn't play along with my pretending (or was I?) to be invisible. I mean, he couldn't see me, but he could hear me... how did he know I'd not stolen Harry Potter's invisibility cloak or something? He didn't. He just assumed I was really visible and not where I said I was. HUMPH. Where's the faith???!

Weekend report... aka snoozefest May 08

How do you take a full 48 hours and make them feel as short as possible? Call them Saturday and Sunday and be "off work"... that's how.

So starting with Friday.....
I got off work at 3:30 and ran home and showered. Then I met my friend Angie at Hancock (or "the cock" as she calls it) fabrics.... where I signed away the rights to my first born child buying fabric and patterns. (In my defense, both the patterns and the fabric were on sale. Like a big sale.. the patterns were $1.99 a piece and the fat quarters were 1.49 each.)

Then we went to our favorite restaurant "Penn Station" for dinner (Philly S&C w/ fries). I got home probably around 9:30... I played with my fabric for a bit, ironed some that I am going to start a quilt with and then... well... I went to bed. What? I'm old. Shut up.

Saturday morning Mark and I woke up around 8:30 and went to breakfast (Hardees, chicken biscuit, the hashbrowns, sweet tea). Then we went to Lowes... where we sold the rights to our second born child. We bought paint for the "Study". A beautiful color.

Around 12:30 I met up with Angie and we went to our (my) favorite fabric store, Quilting Adventures. There I sold the rights to my THIRD child buying yet more fabric. This fabric had a specific purpose though (as if that helps). It's for the the window treatments in the "Study"... I bought Batik and a java blender for the border.

After all the shopping adventures we stopped for an iced coffee, of course. Then we went to our friend Jessica's jewelry party. Neither of us bought anything because we'd "shot our wad" at the fabric stores... but the eats were good, the company was great... so a good time was had regardless.

I came home and played with fabric and hung out with Marky-Mark... nothing too interesting or worth reading in a blog.

Sunday was nmore of the same... I was woken up by Mark at 8:30 am... this might've irritated me, but he wanted some booty so it was ok. (hee) We followed that up with Breakfast w/ my dad and his girlfriend...

We planted those Roses from a few posts back... that was good because it rained heavily about 30 minutes afterwards. Then there was boring movie watching... we went to see "Prince Caspian" in the afternoon. I liked it, more than Mark did.

There was some sadness this weekend too... One of my coworkers past away yesterday morning. His name was Art. He was a really cool guy. I didn't know him very well. I didn't go to his Wake tonight nor will I go to his funeral tomorrow... but he'll be missed.

So it's almost 11... I've been studying since about 7pm straight and I'm tired... Gotta go get some zzzz's so I can start the work week. (UGH)

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

10 random thoughts for the day.

1) The Starbucks Mint Mocha Chip Frappachino (or however that's spelled) is freakin' awesome. Get them to double blend it b/c the chips are a bit much. (It's a "light" frapp, so even better.)

2) If you've taken a week's time off of work over the course of 2 months to tend to you children who have colds, do not complain to me about not having any time off. Furthermore, if you're not at work, you're off. Granted it's not a vacation day, but it's not a day spent at work either.

3) When your only two immediate coworkers take vacations back to back leaving you to hold the fort down for 3 weeks straight? It's ok to be irritated.

4) Studying, no matter what you're studying for, sucks.

5) Finding someone to take all the trees down in your yard (12 of them) so that you can get a little sun in your life? PRICELESS.

6) The same someone from #5 only charging you $1K? An angel sent from the baby Jesus to bring that sun into your life.

7) Wear sunscreen.

8) If you're 33 and you go back to school and expect it to be easy, you will fail. It's going to be hard, it's going to get harder. Suffer through.

9) No food is better studying food than popcorn.

10) The very best feeling in the whole world is coming home and Thor goes insane wanting to see you.. jumping up and down needing a hug. It's not a substitute for a child.... but it goes a long way to making that pain a little more bearable.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

In stitches and I'm additcted!!



This past Sunday Angie and I took our first sewing class. My friend Angie and I took our first sewing class. We made "Smart bags", or purses... To the right are the two we made in class. It turned out to be very easy and VERY fun!!! And, ADDICTING!!!

I went home and made 4 more:





I'd also bought a pattern to make a larger bag. I made it last night, but it's much much more complicated and time consuming than the little diddies above.

I *think*Angie and I are going to open up an Etsy shop with our stuff. I am trying to talk Mere into making some scarves, maybe Jess too. It'll be fun. I hope it's successful!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

(WARNING: VENTING) Mother's day can suck me.

No offense to mothers everywhere. You deserve the recognition and all that. But seriously, it can suck me.

To start with, my mom has been gone for going on 8 years now. I miss her everyday... but having just had my second miscarriage a month ago, it seems wholely unfair that she's not around to hug me and tell me it'll be ok. Sure, I'm a big girl and shouldn't need that, but .... uhhh... I do.

Then there's the whole no-living-babies that gets me on this weekend too. If life were fair, I'd have two beautiful living children right now. But they're not. And it's hard because it's the only thing in life I want. I have everything else: friends, family, love, security, home... all of it. And, don't misunderstand, I recognize that in it's entirety. But my type A personality doesn't really allow me space to be "ok" with not being pregnant and not having any children.

On top of all that? I am PMSing. Which is a good thing because we can get back to the baby-making... but it makes me CRANKY and EMOTIONAL... which is fun for no one (especially me.)

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Spring is here...

The sun is ashinin' ... the temperatures are arisin'... and the flowers? They are abloomin'!

I've lived in this house for 8 years now (minus the 2 years where I moved out, bought another house, got divorced, and then remarried and rebought the house), in all that time this rose bush has had MAYBE one or two roses on it all those years combined. Right now? it has 5...



Mark and I bought some roses to plant for the baby we lost... one is white and it hasn't bloomed yet. The other is a beautiful dark pink/red... here it is:


Naturally, I am obligated to show some pictures of our little boy playing in the back yard. He's so handsome and sweet.




Spring and Fall are always the prettiest time of the year. Spring usually kills me with the allergies and sinus issues... but this year hasn't been too bad. There has been tons of pollen as usual and my pretty blue car is more of a putrid greenish color.

Several girlfriends and I went to a wine festival last Saturday and they had Alpacas. I'm not positive of the connection between wine festivals and Alpacas... if you know, please leave a comment as to why. Until then, I'm just going to think it's sort of weird. They were cute though.



This last picture should need no explanation... or if it does, well... call your mom. Mere and I were on our way to the wine festival and she spotted this. We had to turn around and go back to get a picture of it. Totally worth it, as were the hysterics that it threw us in during the process.



Cheers, Y'all!

For the record...

Mint Crispy M&Ms? Not that great. Total disappointment. Which is not a bad thing... that means I won't be eating them non-stop until they go away. YAY!!!

Monday, May 5, 2008

God wants me to be fat....


Or else why would he invent "Mint Crisp M&M's"?

I'm just sayin'...

"I'm gonna hose you down.."

Mark called me this morning and asked me what I was doing tonight. I tell him my evening was booked full of tv watching with my husband. He asked, how about I take you out to dinner?

Naturally, I agree. A fun Monday evening date sounds great to me... especially considering we were quite busy, separately, this weekend.

So we go out to dinner and we're having a cocktail and flirting and I whisper something suggestive, indicating I'd like some time with him that is of a more, shall we say, "Adult" nature.

His response "I'm gonna have to hose you down." Now, he was joking... but WTF? Hose me down? I think he really has no idea how many men BEG their wives for sex... DAILY. He's livin' on easy street, spoiled man. I keep telling him, one of these days I'm going to refuse him and then he'll be super sad. But, both he and I know that's not going to happen.

Also, while I'm complaining.... he has decided that his version of indicating to me that he's interested in sex is rubbing my butt. Just that. Nothing more, nothing less... and he waits until I'm half/mostly asleep to do this. I'd find it funny and respond to it if I were awake.... and if I'd known that's what he was doing. I say something like "you never come on to me" and he says "yes I do, last night I did." I say, " no you didn't!" he says "yes, remember? I was rubbing your butt." Ummm, what? Ok, now I know.

Silly Man.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

"There's a black fly in [my] chardonnay..."


Ok, so it's a gnat, not an actual fly. I was glad about that because I drank it anyway (after fishing the gnat out with a butter knife.) Gross, sure.. but I'm not one to waste tasty wine.

It's funny, though, how throughout my day-to-day activities I see something or say something or hear something and it reminds me of a song. It happens every day. Most of my friends are so awesome at pop culture references, Mark is too. *I* am not. But I am good at songs... especially songs from my early adulthood.

The aforementioned Alanis Morisette album came out in 1995. I was 21 and in "love" ( I use quotation marks because, until Mark, I didn't know what love was. That has nothing to do with this blog post, but whatev... I just wanted to say it.) His name was Lance and he was OMG Gorgeous. The song "You Oughta Know" was being overplayed on every radio station. Mr. OMG Gorgeous decided one snowy Saturday morning, actually it was January 6th, 1996, that I was not good enough for him. He never told me why or how he came to that conclusion... just that we were over and that's all I needed to know (fucker).

Being 21 years old and feeling clever I decided I was going to dedicate "You Oughta Know" to him every day, on every radio station, in every night club (we ran the same circles, he would eventually hear it.) until I felt that my point had been made. I don't know if he was ever affected by this behavior or not... but it made me feel better none-the-less. To this day I cannot hear that song without thinking of him and I smile.

Mark's and my song is "Darlin'" by Bambi Lee Savage. We love that song... we dance to it a lot, most every weekend. Of all the love songs in all of the world this was the one we felt most expressed our feelings toward one another. Here's why: In the move "Sling Blade" the two retarted (If you haven't seen the movie, they are genuinely mentally challenged, I'm not being ugly.) people are walking and falling in love and this song is playing in the background. We thought it was apropos that we chose that song... I mean two retards falling love? how could that *be* more right for us??? (Now I'm being ugly.)

My mom's favorite song was "Carolina in my Mind" by James Taylor. After my grandmother died, my mom played that song OVER AND OVER AND OVER again... She missed her mom so much. Then after my mom died, I refused to play it. Sometimes in the grocery store or the car I'll hear it and it's like she's hugging me or patting me on the back.

A few years back it was my Dad's birthday... I picked up the phone to call him and as his phone was ringing the song started on the radio. The way I see it, she was telling me to tell my dad Happy birthday for her. It all sounds hokey I know... but sometimes you seek comfort in whatever is readily available.