oh YAY! ANSWERS!!!!!!

#1 Do you believe in Zombies?

Zombie is a pretty relative term. I work for a major international corporation, so yeah, in that regard I definitely believe in zombies. I also believe in the films of Rob Zombie…but not his music because it makes me embarrassed FOR him since the movies are so good in comparison.

Well, first off, I am sorry to tell you that you FAIL this question. Not because you are wrong but because you took the question to literally. Where's the imagination? The ZEAL?! I hope subsequent questions fair better. :sigh: I expected more.

Second, how can you NOT like "Dragula"? IT's an awesome song. I don't know what it means because I cannot understand him, but it's a great song none-the less.

Overall: C-

#2 In the event of a zombie attack, which would you rather do?
A) Go to a deserted island.
B) Go to Canada.

Neither. Going to Canada for protection is like being Jewish and trying to hide out in France during WWII, and there are no liquor stores or the internet on deserted islands. These colors don’t run. I’ll take myself out like that Mexican lesbian and Bill Paxton in Aliens if it comes down to that. And if I’m with someone who I think might wuss out during a zombie attack, I will kill them just to make a point. And I will eat their corpse in front of the zombies as a way to trick them.

OH SHIT! A+ Awesome answer. +5 points for bringing the LOLs.

3) In the movie "28 Days Later" what are the offending creatures? THINK CAREFULLY. If need be read up on the creation of zombies.

In the classical sense there are three types of “zombies”…. First, there is the zombie created by magical/religious means like voodoo or ancient pagan mystery religions. Second, there is the zombie who is created one at a time by medical/neurological modification, much like Jeffrey Dahmer was trying to do with his victims. Lastly, there is the being created by chemical/biological means which most people would think of as a “zombie”, and is highlighted in films like 28 days later. In a very simplistic sense I could see where this person is a zombie, but in reality they are just victims of some type of chemical warfare much like the “super soldier” experiments that are touched upon in movies like Jacob’s Ladder. Plus, 28 Days Later is just a ripoff of movies like Return of the Living Dead (the only zombie movie anyone needs to watch), so in cheesy movie-world they are zombies. However, if the scenario actually came to pass in the real world I would say they are absolutely NOT zombies….they are just victims of an experiment gone awry. Real zombie movies don’t take that much time explaining how the zombies came to be…….I’m thinking of movies like Night of the Comet and Dawn of the Dead here. 28 Days Later gets too preachy and clinical for these things to be REAL zombies. Plus, even though they are all fast and shit, I could fuck one of them up WAY too easily for them to be a for-real zombie.

B- CORRECT answer. They are NOT ZOMBIES. Mark and I got into an actual screaming match (I had to bring on the tears to stop him, yeah, it was like THAT.) over this question. But points lost for slamming the movie. Ripoff or not, it's a great movie, unlike it's sequel, which is marginal at best.

4) Do you know any Cyborgs?

No

Excellent. This was not a graded question. Just a matter of public safety.

5) Do you have access to a laser rifle?

I do not, but I do have access to firearms with laser scopes on them.

Not the same thing, we're all safe. WHEW!!!

6) If you do know any cyborgs, do they have access to the laser rifles?

See question 4.

7) If you had to become something undead, what would it be? and why?

Probably a communion wafer in a Catholic church…..they believe in transubstantiation.

A+ That answer made me snort. Not an easy thing to do!

8) Have you ever spent time at sea with Pirates?

I live in Missouri, so the closest I could come would be running into some Riverboat thugs like Huckleberry Finn and Injun Joe.

C- Answer unclear. Is this a yes or a no?

9) If you had your choice would you spend your Thursday nights watching a Dog Reality show on CBS or ANYTHING ELSE?

As long as it wasn’t on at the same time as The Office, I’d definitely watch a show about dogs……unless it’s Groomer Has It, which totally sucks. And I did have sex with the Dog Wheeesperer.

F because I don't know what to say to that last part. But bonus points for liking The Office.

10) Coke or pepsi? YOU MUST HAVE A LOYALTY.

If I had to pick one it would be coke. I don’t drink that much cola, especially not diet cola because there are far superior diet sodas. Coke is just something to mix with bourbon…..but the bourbon has to be pretty cheap (like Old Crow) to ruin it with soda, in which case I generally opt for RC Cola over Coke. However, between Coke and Pepsi I do choose Coke.

FAIL. It was a trick question. You don't have to have loyalty.

Overall, I give you a B+. I'm impressed with the answers to #2 and #7. You pass. Good job!!!!