I called the RE's off ice yesterday (reproductive endocrinologist) and told them I had gotten a positive pregnancy test. They are insistent on my coming in and taking a serum pregnancy test. I resist. Not because I'm a difficult patient (I'm not), but because with the last pregnancy, all those numbers being thrown at me just made me feel slightly insane.
I talked to my PCP and I talked to Mark and my friends... all of them insisted that I go and get the blood test.
The thing about the test is that it's not the end-all, be-all of what's going on with the baby. It does give an idea... but it's not all you look at. And they run the test again 48 hours later and the titer should double during that time... so from the moment you get the first number you're waiting for a million years for the second number. If they don't double exactly, they make you take it AGAIN. Hence the insanity... the waiting and waiting and waiting... Sigh.
I guess I have been feeling like if I take this test, then that means there's a chance my pregnancy might be over. That is so so sad. I just cried and cried on my way to the lab to get my blood drawn. I mean, I did it... I went... I just couldn't help being so upset.
I just want so bad to stay pregnant. I want to live in my little fantasy land where the baby is healthy and growing and safe and I am healthy and safe and we're happy and Mark is proud of us. I talk to the baby all the time, telling her how important she is, how much we want her and love her already. I hope she can hear me.
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