Intelligence for MY life??!

When working for a non-for-profit Catholic hospital, the employees are not permitted to listen to anything other than “lite” radio.  The third shift workers are then obligated to listen to John Tesh Radio.  Mr. John Tesh spins some of the most melancholy music imaginable.  His tunes are so depressing that it makes one wonder if John Tesh himself is on Prozac, or if he is not, maybe he is getting paid by the pharmaceutical companies to bring his listeners down.  Mr. Tesh, however, declares that his goal is to give his listeners “Intelligence for Your Life.”  This is a noble and honorable quest, but as I listen, I cannot help but wonder who this “intelligence” is aimed at.

            Tonight’s big topic is a four step plan designed to help you leave work stress at work.  He begins with an analogy, “Pick low hanging fruit.”  I think this means to start with the small things on the list and work your way up from there.  He says that we will feel a sense of accomplishment if we have returned phone calls, replied to emails, or tackled our stack of post-it notes.  This advice begs the question, when are we supposed to do the actual work?  At my job, and many other jobs, most of our time is spent dealing with “small” things.  As the day progresses, more and more small things begin to stack up. This makes me wonder if John Tesh has ever had a “real” job.  Also, it seems to me that most of the small things that need to be done come after you have finished the rest of your work. Seriously, how can you answer questions about a page three of a report that you have not written yet? Alright, maybe that is a stretch, but in all honesty, small things are never what loom over your head at night and wake you in a cold sweat.

            His next suggestion is to turn off the radio. I find this one particularly fascinating because- he's on the radio! So I would like to think that this indicates that John Tesh knows he is full of it and understands that his role should not be to commiserate, but rather, simply put, just to play the music. But, I digress. How can a radio DJ actually encourage his listeners to turn him off? I wonder if his sponsors heard this one and if so, do you think Eli Lilly pulled their funding? 

His third suggestion is to take the back roads to and from work. This is a clear indication that John Tesh is morning person. Obviously he has not had to rush to get to work by 7am. Otherwise, he'd know that the lackadaisical route is not going to be his listener’s choice when they have 5 minutes to cover a 15 minute drive. I also have to wonder if this means he has no reason to go home or need to pick up children, cook dinner, or has ever just finished working a 16 hour shift wanting nothing more to magically be transported to his bed sans the drive home in the first place! John Tesh and I clearly have nothing in common.  I'm always in a big hurry to get home and all I have waiting for me is my cat and piles of laundry.

The last suggestion for leaving work at work is to hit the showers when you get home. I like this one. He says washing creates a psychological and physical boundary. It is literally washing the day's stress off of you. I don't know about all that, I just think most people don't smell all that great after eight, nine, or ten plus hours at work and a shower refreshes them and makes them, and the people around them, happier. I know my cat agrees.

He sums this all up by saying that if we follow his suggestions then we'll be less stressed out people at home. Of course it is highly possible that we will lose our jobs because we don't finish any of our assignments, or worse, because we never get to work in the first place. But the bright side is this; all our phone calls and emails are answered, we never have to listen to his suggestions again, and we always smell minty fresh!

So my options are to continue listening to John Tesh, and quite possibly have my eyes permanently rolled toward the back of my head, or to simply turn off the radio. While turning the radio off may very well seem like the more appropriate choice (for really, who wants to be depressed?) The silence that remains is deafening, reminding me that I’m not where I should be, want to be, or could be.  Of the two options? I’ll take John Tesh.