"Self-Indulgent" AKA: Thank you Simon Cowell

That's what my post was the other day. Really, really self-indulgent. I wallowed in it deep, didn't I? But ya know, I'm not embarrassed. I thought I would be when I went and read it back. But it was good. I needed to vent out those emotions. They're so intense and just bubbling at the surface of everything I do. I know it's because of being a new Mom and because it's been almost 10 years and the holidays are coming and blah-blah-blah... my point is, there are a lot of reasons why I'm feeling so out-of-sorts and, well, pissed off. But writing helped and knowing someone read it and was touched and concerned? That helped too. (Thanks for your comments Robbyn. You cannot know how much it means to know I am heard.)

So, as far as an update... I'm still pissed off. But I don't feel full of rage at the moment. It could be that I'm healing/dealing. Or it could be my gratuitous use of pharmaceuticals. (Xanax is the new black.) Whichever, I'm glad. I've been really enjoying hanging out with my boy. I've needed that so much. I've felt detached from him. I think it's because I'm so far inside my own head, wallowing in my own pain, that I'm not living in the now. Certainly that's not fair to him.

Tomorrow is Halloween. Quinn is going to be a Devil and I have the cutest picture idea. I won't spoil it. I'll post it tomorrow.

Also, one last complaint: Today was a GREAT hair day. And do you know who saw my great hair? No one. I cannot remember the last time I had a really good hair day. It made me kinda sad. Not sad enough to forgo the Charlie's Angels' hair flip though. Believe it.