I had my monthly check up at the OB today. Everything went smoothly, baby is growing, I have lost 26 lbs. At first I was scared because he still can't get a heartbeat through my belly. He says this is not abnormal and it's because I'm overweight. So he did another ultrasound... but for a couple of minutes I felt my stomach in my throat waiting for everything to be ok.
He says he can't tell me to stop worrying. I'm a mom, that's my job. But everything is going fine, so I'm going to try to be happy about that.
SO, my newest pregnancy symptomy stuff is that my appetite is outrageous. It's not that I want to eat that much, I have no desire for anything in particular. Occasionally I will want something... recently it's rotisserie chicken.
In other news, I've been rereading the Twilight saga. I lent out book 1, but I finished book 2 and 3 and am now working on 4. It's fun to read. It's easy to get lost in the drama and the fantasy of it. I don't know what I'll read when it's over. I'll be sad I think.
So the only other semi-interesting thing going on is I had a rather large blow up with my husband's family. His brothers and their wives specifically. I can't even really say what happened. I kept thinking I am being reasonable, but then being told in no uncertain terms, and with a not insignificant amount of nastiness, that I am not. So it's frustrating. I'm not sure what to say, if anything, to them next time I see them. I can't hide from his family, but I want to. I don't want to subject myself to that stuff... especially being pregnant.
I guess I'll just play it by ear, see what happens. :shrug: Whatever it is, I'm not going to worry about it. The rest of my pregnancy is going to be stress free no matter what it takes. Foot firmly down.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Light a Candle
October 15th is International Pregnancy and infant Loss Remembrance Day.
If you can, light a candle tonight at 7 pm to honor and support the mothers and fathers of lost babies. Having a miscarriage is an incredibly difficult and scary thing to go through. The death of the pregnancy is very real and very painful. Having had two miscarriages myself I can tell you that women in my position need your support.
Thank You,
Jennifer
Confidential to my Angels:
I love you my babies. You will live forever in my heart.
01/23/2004 <3
04/12/2008 <3
Your Mom
If you can, light a candle tonight at 7 pm to honor and support the mothers and fathers of lost babies. Having a miscarriage is an incredibly difficult and scary thing to go through. The death of the pregnancy is very real and very painful. Having had two miscarriages myself I can tell you that women in my position need your support.
Thank You,
Jennifer
Confidential to my Angels:
I love you my babies. You will live forever in my heart.
01/23/2004 <3
04/12/2008 <3
Your Mom
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
The Simple Life (Or lack thereof)
Lately, maybe because of my pregnancy, I think alot about how I can simplify things. I don't know where to start, what to give up or change... but the desire to make those changes is so strong that it is consuming most of my waking minutes.
Maybe part of it is because, thanks to the picky eater inside, all I have been eating lately is soup and sandwiches, occasionally a salad. Long gone are the desires for sushi and lattes. So I think about this and it occurs to me, what if I make these changes permanent? What if, instead of eating out and buying expensive, pretty, and yes tasty foods, I just scale it down and eat simple.
What if I extend these changes to my cable, my cell phone, my electronics, my whole life? what would this accomplish? Would I still be happy and satisfied with my life if I gave up keeping up with the joneses? I think I would. I remember as a kid not having a computer, not having 239087409823498 cable channels to watch... we listened to music and read. God, I used to read 3 or 4 books a week, sometimes more. And it was fun. More importantly, it was EASY.
So, I think about things and the kind of life that I desperately want for my child. I grew up eating MickyD's weekly.. having candy and cakes and whatever all the time. Fruit was too expensive. We always had soda (though it was only diet pepsi, that's all my mom drank) and there were times we were out of milk. We never had OJ with breakfast.
Don't get me wrong. My childhood was blessed, poor or not. My parents were fantastic and loved us with the strength of 10,000 suns. But we did not have a healthy balanced diet. We watched a fantastic amount of televison (we all still do), and we laid around complaining about how tired we were.
If it's true that you learn from your parents, then what is it , exactly that I want to teach my children? Here's the first ten things that come to mind:
1) Candy bars are not snack food.
2) You don't have to have fries with your burger/hotdog.
3) Milk is GOOD.
4) There really is no more important meal than breakfast. Cereal is delicious, embrace it.
5) There is such a thing as celebrating without food.
6) Just because there's something on TV to watch, doesn't mean you have to watch it.
7) Exercise/sports should be fun... not a chore.
8) There is an entire world to explore at your fingertips. All you have to do is open a book.
9) A hug can make your whole life better.
10) Without love, true love, there is not satisfying life.
To expand upon #10. True love starts with accepting who you are for what you are. Once that happens, the rest will fall into place. Having been married twice and having discovered myself, my true self, inbetween those marriages... I can attest to the fact that without that, without that self-realization of how valuable *I* am as a person (if only to myself), I do not think I could've found the deep, penetrating love that I feel for my husband. I couldn't have given him that part of me, because I didn't know who or what that part of me was. That might sound hokie, I don't know... but it's true. And I want my kids to feel this about themselves. I don't want it to take 31 years for this to happen. And I really don't want them to deal with what I dealt with for this knowledge to take hold.
I don't think my kids will have a charmed life... but I do think I can help them to help themselves. More than I was helped. I don't believe my parents didn't want me to feel these things, I think... no, I KNOW, they didn't feel it themselves. Which is why it's so important for me to remember who I am at all times.
Anyway... pregnancy update... things are going great as far as I know. I go back for a regular OB check up in a week. I should hear the heartbeat on the doppler. I'll be 11 weeks on Sunday. I thank God every day for every minute I am still pregnant. I hope he continues to bless us and allow this miracle to keep living.
/sappiness. :)
Maybe part of it is because, thanks to the picky eater inside, all I have been eating lately is soup and sandwiches, occasionally a salad. Long gone are the desires for sushi and lattes. So I think about this and it occurs to me, what if I make these changes permanent? What if, instead of eating out and buying expensive, pretty, and yes tasty foods, I just scale it down and eat simple.
What if I extend these changes to my cable, my cell phone, my electronics, my whole life? what would this accomplish? Would I still be happy and satisfied with my life if I gave up keeping up with the joneses? I think I would. I remember as a kid not having a computer, not having 239087409823498 cable channels to watch... we listened to music and read. God, I used to read 3 or 4 books a week, sometimes more. And it was fun. More importantly, it was EASY.
So, I think about things and the kind of life that I desperately want for my child. I grew up eating MickyD's weekly.. having candy and cakes and whatever all the time. Fruit was too expensive. We always had soda (though it was only diet pepsi, that's all my mom drank) and there were times we were out of milk. We never had OJ with breakfast.
Don't get me wrong. My childhood was blessed, poor or not. My parents were fantastic and loved us with the strength of 10,000 suns. But we did not have a healthy balanced diet. We watched a fantastic amount of televison (we all still do), and we laid around complaining about how tired we were.
If it's true that you learn from your parents, then what is it , exactly that I want to teach my children? Here's the first ten things that come to mind:
1) Candy bars are not snack food.
2) You don't have to have fries with your burger/hotdog.
3) Milk is GOOD.
4) There really is no more important meal than breakfast. Cereal is delicious, embrace it.
5) There is such a thing as celebrating without food.
6) Just because there's something on TV to watch, doesn't mean you have to watch it.
7) Exercise/sports should be fun... not a chore.
8) There is an entire world to explore at your fingertips. All you have to do is open a book.
9) A hug can make your whole life better.
10) Without love, true love, there is not satisfying life.
To expand upon #10. True love starts with accepting who you are for what you are. Once that happens, the rest will fall into place. Having been married twice and having discovered myself, my true self, inbetween those marriages... I can attest to the fact that without that, without that self-realization of how valuable *I* am as a person (if only to myself), I do not think I could've found the deep, penetrating love that I feel for my husband. I couldn't have given him that part of me, because I didn't know who or what that part of me was. That might sound hokie, I don't know... but it's true. And I want my kids to feel this about themselves. I don't want it to take 31 years for this to happen. And I really don't want them to deal with what I dealt with for this knowledge to take hold.
I don't think my kids will have a charmed life... but I do think I can help them to help themselves. More than I was helped. I don't believe my parents didn't want me to feel these things, I think... no, I KNOW, they didn't feel it themselves. Which is why it's so important for me to remember who I am at all times.
Anyway... pregnancy update... things are going great as far as I know. I go back for a regular OB check up in a week. I should hear the heartbeat on the doppler. I'll be 11 weeks on Sunday. I thank God every day for every minute I am still pregnant. I hope he continues to bless us and allow this miracle to keep living.
/sappiness. :)
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Heartbeat!!!!
I saw both my specialist and my OB this week... I saw the baby's heartbeat TWICE! There's just one baby and it is perfect!!!
The heartbeat was 140 beats per minute. And it was measuring right on the money!
Dr Wiles (my OB) wants me to see an Endocrinologist to make sure my glucose levels stay regulated. And I go back to see him in one month.
SO my little cherry is just a growin'. It's wonderful and I could not be any happier than I am right now.
The heartbeat was 140 beats per minute. And it was measuring right on the money!
Dr Wiles (my OB) wants me to see an Endocrinologist to make sure my glucose levels stay regulated. And I go back to see him in one month.
SO my little cherry is just a growin'. It's wonderful and I could not be any happier than I am right now.
Monday, August 24, 2009
For baby...
Listening to one of my favorite songs...
To Make You Feel My Love
Written by : Mr. Bob Dylan
When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging on the rollin' sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love
To Make You Feel My Love
Written by : Mr. Bob Dylan
When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging on the rollin' sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love
Friday, August 21, 2009
Crazy Anxiety!
I'm insane! Or I feel insane most of the time anyway.
The first half of this week I forgot my Anti-crazy pills and by Wednesday I was exhausted and emotional. Once I realized I'd forgotten it, I felt better. And once I took it, I felt even better.
I've been having troubles regulating my glucose levels. So I worry about that 24/7. Everything I read indicates that out-of-control glucose levels can easily lead to miscarriage. So I'm worried, worried all the time.
And I'm tired and I can't stand the thought of working my second job anymore. I secretly hope that my OB will tell me it's too stressful and I should quit. Ha! I will be considered "high risk" so there's a chance. If I did quit then I could sew and maybe make some money selling stuff. I would love that.
My ultrasound is August 31st. I just have to hold on until then. I'm been telling her to hold on too. We just both have to get through this time and then we'll be together.
Maybe I should title this blog "Crazy AND Anxiety"...
The first half of this week I forgot my Anti-crazy pills and by Wednesday I was exhausted and emotional. Once I realized I'd forgotten it, I felt better. And once I took it, I felt even better.
I've been having troubles regulating my glucose levels. So I worry about that 24/7. Everything I read indicates that out-of-control glucose levels can easily lead to miscarriage. So I'm worried, worried all the time.
And I'm tired and I can't stand the thought of working my second job anymore. I secretly hope that my OB will tell me it's too stressful and I should quit. Ha! I will be considered "high risk" so there's a chance. If I did quit then I could sew and maybe make some money selling stuff. I would love that.
My ultrasound is August 31st. I just have to hold on until then. I'm been telling her to hold on too. We just both have to get through this time and then we'll be together.
Maybe I should title this blog "Crazy AND Anxiety"...
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