Living in slow motion.

I can't keep my eyes open. Every muscle in my body hurts as well as some of my bones. Nightshifts can kiss my lily white hind parts. Seriously.

My "new" sewing machine....

Around christmas time, my inlaws were getting rid of this sewing machine. Naturally, I wanted it badly! It's so beautiful and old and just looking at it makes me happy.

A sleepy Saturday night...

.... so it might actually just be "me" that is sleepy. But whatever, it's Saturday night people! It's a party! OK, no, it's not.

As some of you may know already, I work a lot. I have ONE free weekend a month, every other weekend I work. Most weeks I work 55 or so hours a week. That's not much, but it's enough to get me good and tired by the weekend.

Another thing I'd like to point out before I continue on with what surely will become a rant: Mark (my husband) and I never fight. We don't squabble, we don't become annoyed with one another easily. We have never been one of those couples that butt heads frequently.

Ok, so the meat of it. It's my weekend off. My ONLY weekend off until this time next month. I want to be lazy. I want to sleep late AND take a long nap. I want to drink coffee and read one of my millions of books I don't have time to read. I want to eat a bloody steak and get drowsy and relax. This is all I care about doing.

Mark though, he works 35 hours a week and has every weekend off. He misses me. More importantly, he's bored. He wants to be busy. He wants to go do stuff. I just don't have the energy. I really don't care that I don't have the energy. I don't think it's unreasonable that I'm ok with the relaxing, I really don't. '

So, now we're irritated with each other and I'm wondering how far I should take this. I don't think it's fair that he becomes irritated with me because I'm tired and don't feel like getting dressed up and going out. I enjoy my pajamas more than would seem humanly possible. I don't want to put on regular pants... even more? I don't want to put on a bra. I want to watch trashy movies and take an awesome nap!

I know he just wants to be with me, that he misses me. I know that this is because he loves me more than anything in this world. I love these things about him. And I love him. So I got dressed and we went to Barnes and Noble. I made him buy me a book and some coffee. We went to dinner with my Dad and his girlfriend. I did those things and now I'm free to relax. (also I'm free because there's a UFC match on tonight and he loves those probably as much as he loves me.)

I love him. And I know I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world to be loved by someone like Mark. He's amazing and wonderful to me. I shouldn't complain. He's an excellent husband. I need some sleep though. I need quiet time. I need alone time. I need silence and calm and relaxation. I need him to understand these things and to not make me feel guilty for not wanting the same sorta weekend activities that he wants.

Alright, well I know this was incredibly boring to read. Gold stars to those of you that got through it all. I just needed to get it off my chest. It was boiling up and the last thing, the VERY last thing I can handle right now is a fight. No.No.NO. So, it's better this way.

Cheers y'all.

Happy Happy Happy Happy ....

NEW YEAR!!!

Merry Christmas!

Wishing everyone an awesome Christmas... May your family visits be peaceful, May Santa fill your stockings with the "just right stuff", May your day be blessed with hugs from loved ones, Kisses from even more loved ones, and Happiness all the whole day through.

Ho Ho Ho!

Desperation, Validation, Information

"Ation"-palooza, isn't it? Yeah, I got a bit carried away I suppose... I do that sometimes. Ok, to the meat of it...

Desperation:

There are many forms that desperation can take on. Anything done to extreme becomes a problem... how hard and for how long can one person pine away for something, someone, before they become... well... obnoxious? This is one of my fears. I want a baby so badly that there are days that I cannot focus on anything else. Nothing. Sometimes it's all I want to talk about... none of my close friends are in the same position as I, none of them have these intense baby urges that I have had for years. How much is too much? Do I clam up and keep it to myself? That encourages some crazies all by itself. Not to mention, completely irrational feelings of resentment that my friends/family don't understand what I'm going through (irrational mostly because how could they know if you don't/can't tell them??!)

Validation:

I frequent one particular quilt/sewing shop more than any others. So much so that they know me by name. (This is good and bad... Good because I am completely comfortable asking all sorts of retardo questions if I don't understand something... bad because I am completely comfortable asking all sorts of retardo questions if I don't understand something.)

The girls at Quilting Adventures are amazing! They are talented and smart and SO SO SO knowledgeable. Well, in past blog entries I showed pictures of my study that Mark built for me. I mentioned to Joyce (the owner) about the curtains I'd made. I have been really proud of how they turned out. Mostly because they are 100% mine... I had no pattern, no one helping me. That made me feel good. She told me to email her a picture of them. The next day I get an email saying she'd posted them on her store blog.

I know it's probably silly... but this encourages me to feel that I am on the right track with my creative side. The compliments and the comments at the end give me, yes, validation that I am good at this, maybe I am talented. It's a good thing too, sewing is a passion. (Maybe I should've written the "Desperation" portion of this blog entry about sewing... hmmmmm)

Information:

Is too much information ever a bad thing? Sometimes- I'll give you an example.

A few years back (2004? 2003?) I had been up in Towson, MD at a Medical convention. A coworker and a friend had come along. We spent an additional night at the Harbor and enjoyed some alcohol in, what some may say, excess. It was fun... but when I was back at work later that week I was just overcome with exhaustion. I could barely hold my head up. In addition, I touched my face and found that in the area right in front of my ears was swollen and hard. It was odd... so I turned toward a most trusted friend, The Internet. Specifically, WEBMD. I typed in, swollen salivary glands and guess what it told me? YOU HAVE CANCER. I had mono. But according to WEBMD I had cancer.

CANCER! How in the hell is the big C the first thing it suggests??! In what world is that a good thing to do to people??! So many people are not knowledgeable about health care or medical issues. Yet they have access to this, most terrifying and frequently hyperbole (if not 100% in accurate) information 24/7.

I've always felt that there is no such thing as "too much information", but when I think about stuff like this... the inaccuracy and imprecision of this information being available to the general public... it makes me angry.

I have more to say... but it's time to go home from work. Yeehaw.

Edited for:

Ok... I'm at home now. I guess my point of all the above was that one really has to be careful with how we use information, how we receive information, how much information we receive, what kind of information we need, process said information appropriately and learn when too much is too much. I think that this can be a very difficult process. In all seriousness, rare is the occasion that I find that I desire less information than I have. Also, I consider myself to be of high intelligence and can easily decipher good information from bad information.

I'm modest too, but that blog is for another time...

Aformentioned Loveseat and Art...