Waging a War on My Lifestyle.

I am overweight... No surprises there, I'm sure. But wait (weight?), there's more: I have PCOS, type II diabetes, high blood pressure... I take pills for anxiety and depression. I have no energy and all this is compounded by my working 3rd shift.


There's all that and I love fast food. Easy food. Greasy food. French fries, fried chicken sandwiches are my favorite. I have a gross addiction to sweet tea and (very sweet) iced coffee. And I have been having an obscene affair with chocolate chip cookies all my life.

But yesterday... :sigh: and : teary-eyes: My son informed me that I have a big belly. I really thought I had a few more years before he was going to point that out. I dont know if someone was saying something and he over-heard them or he just made an innocent observation. I just said, I sure do, you're right. And we kept moving. I wasn't upset with him... but for myself. And with myself. It's stupid to be this fat. I'm stupid for being this fat. Mark wants us to have another baby. I really do not think I can like this. I mean, I was this weight when I got pregnant with Quinn... so I can. But the end was hard and disappointing. (And happy too, cause Quinn, WOW! He's an awesome kid!)

I'm 38.5 years old. (The half is important cause 39 is just around the corner.) I feel like it's too late. Like I'm stupid for trying at this point. I am what I am and it is what it is.... That's my self-esteem talking though. LIke I'd rather make jokes about it than take care of it. Or once again try and fail. But the logical, intelligent side of me says "THERE IS NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT!!" So I need to get my ass moving and figure out what works for me and just fucking do it already.

So, I have a book I'm reading "The Low GI Diet Revolution." I am going to try it because of the diabetes and PCOS. It says it's safe for women who are trying to get pregnant and who are pregnant. It says you start with a 12 week program and if you do right you lose 5-10% of your body fat during that 12 weeks. Then you take time to maintain, I don't know how much time yet, and you start again. I'll give more details as I get to it.

So... Here we go.